well it seems as though the venting yesterday sort of helped he did come home and was ok ,he knew I was upset about some stuff he has been doing (emailin 17 year olds on the net telling them he's single and stuff) but I stayed calm I think this made him wary as he asked me if I was his friend I said yes aand didn't make a big fuss as I had already got everything out earliar on this page.
I went to bed early about 9.30 and read for a while and all seemed calm then the baby threw up in the night so the worse thing that can ever happen is when he gets his sleep broken,the name calling and threats started immediatley he threatened to punch me then just kept sniping at me I tried not to react but then I told him I didn't want him doing volunteer work anymore ,this didn't go down too well and he started saying that the kids weren't his and he wasn't letting me go to church anymore I was ugly he didn't love me etc etc.I didn't know what else to do so i scraped my hands down the wall 'cos I didn't know what else to do if I shout he shouts louder, if i scream i'll get hit ,if I hit back I get hit back harder.
I just thought if I hurt myself he would stop I've done it before hoping some one would ask what was wrong with the backs of my hands when they did I told them it was excema ,i know i'm an idiot.
Everything seemed to calm down last night ,then this morning it all kicked off again
he threw the iorn and iorning board across the room kicked me and hit me in the head three times then went downstairs and threw cd's everywhere and broke a dish.
I didn't shout back I sat at the end of the bed not reacting or crying cos I know it gets to him if I dont cry and maybe thats one battle i can win???????
Anyway my instructions are to be a proper woman and clean the house .
He is at work til 2pm so I dont know what will happen later ?
If anyone reading this is calling me stupid or self pitying I totally agree but writing this is a big step for me and I know it's now not a case of if I leave it's when I leave ,I just can't walk off i have to plan it ,so please dont judge me 'cos i dont want to be a victim anymore I want to be a fighter.